I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
