are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
