I wish I only lived at night.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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