You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
