I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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