His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
