For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
birth control should be required to get into college
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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