in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
