Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize