after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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