It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
