Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
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dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
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Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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