if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
