I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
