there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
