She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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