From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
