I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
