Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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