U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
