hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
