we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
