I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
