put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
