just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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