oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
