Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
