Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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