Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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