Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
