when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i love accidental penises.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
