is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
