quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
