glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
