I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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