Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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