come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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