you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
