I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
