Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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