my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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