Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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