He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
