Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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