That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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