She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
