I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
