feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
