Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
