Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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