Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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