OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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