He is an equal opportunity slut.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
