Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
