Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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