i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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