i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
