his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
