meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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