my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
