goodnight i made you a song goodbye
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
