her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
