Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
