Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
