It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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