JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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